Thursday, December 24, 2009

Farewell My Friend You're Killing Me

Wow, when I think back and count the years, I’ve had a nasty smoking habit for over 35 of them. I never thought I would keep this up so long; especially after learning of the dangers—but I have.

So here it is, my final goodbye letter to tobacco cigarettes.

When I was not popular, you helped make me cool. But smoking real cigs is not cool anymore. Back when I started this dirty habit and my faithfulness to you, I sat in my physician’s office and shared a cigarette with him as we discussed remedies for the consistent cough I was experiencing. Inside the movie theatres the air was so thick with smoke at times you could barely make out the screen. Our TV’s were blaring with a cartoon camel, famous celebrities, and the Marlboro Man who all glamorized your quiet demonic intentions.

You “hooked” me and then just as soon as I began to love and enjoy your presence, I was told to get away from you. You’re bad for me—a killer indeed. But wait; I can’t. It seemed then you had your venom inside me, a tool to keep me faithful; until death do us part.

So time went on and I remained faithful to you. Sure, I’ve tolerated the hounding of well meaning friends and strangers on the street quoting the words they must think I don’t already know, and of course no one probably ever said them to me before…, “you should quit smoking.” Words which just make me feel a little less human, less smart, less clean, and more of an outcast than a person who is cool and popular.

I’ve of course tried the patch, the pills, hypnosis, and the cold turkey methods without success. You really have me hooked like no other. As a matter of fact, I even like you now; I no longer want to leave you. So I’ve been hiding my affair with you from others. Sometimes I wait until we are alone, then I will sneak a couple drags to satisfy my urge to be “one with you.” But I think it’s time to let you go ciggy.

So smokies, goodbye. You are now being replaced. This habit shall be fulfilled without you and the danger you pose to me. My hair will smell better, my lungs will again be filled with fresh air, and my energy level will return.

Thank you ciggy for years of pleasure and attempted suicide.